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Steve Irwin is to be eaten whole by a giant cobra it was announced today. The funeral arrangements are in keeping with the wishes of his family and may also relate to a newly discovered will that was mysteriously rewritten on the morning of Irwin’s fatal last documentary shoot. The possibility of a state funeral has now been completely ruled out, both Irwin’s family and colleagues have instead opted for the pay-per-view cobra gobbling spectacular.

Close friend Bruce Kenwood claimed that; “It is definitely how Steve would have wanted to have been remembered” before adding; “…yep” and shaking his half empty tinny in sadness. It is understood that the giant cobra, known as Keith-o to the staff at Irwin’s wildlife park, will have to be violently cajoled into participating in the stunt, possibly with the use of large sticks, incessant teasing, confrontation and general annoyance.

The whole event will be shown on the Fox Network 8pm EST this Sunday after eight hours of Steve Irwin’s Documentaries starting at 12pm EST.

-(FoxNews, 09/09/2006, Dan O’Manahan, Entertainment)-